Vista News & Ramblings

Virgina Lawmaker: Snip The Testicles

Sandi — 2008-01-31T05:01+00:00

Can't say I understand why guys want to hang rubber testicles from their hitch, but I see no harm. To each his own or different strokes and all that. It must be a testosterone thing because I can't see a woman hanging a rubber vagina from her vehicle.

Virginia State Del. Lionel Spruill introduced a bill to ban displaying replicas of *snark* human genitalia on vehicles. His reason, a safety issue because it could distract other drivers. Truck drivers would risk a $250 fine under his proposal.

Achmed the dead Terrorist

Sandi — 2008-01-14T23:01+00:00

It's easy to see why this YouTube clip has 25 million views, 3200 subscribers.

This is really hilarious, so first you might want to put down any drinks you don't want to blow on your screen or keyboard.

Achmed the dead Terrorist

My Annual Christmas Letter, A thank you!!

Galt — 2007-12-20T09:12+00:00

My thanks to all my friends who have sent me emails this past year........

Especially the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl
(Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died with no relatives. Once I give her my bank details.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward your e-mails to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my ass.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a murderer waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors' ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's window cleaner.

By the way.... a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with a low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails and Blogs with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!

Which is cleaner?

Sandi — 2007-11-02T22:11+00:00

1) A keyboard or toilet seat?

According to this in Real Tech News.

“We don’t think twice about eating at our desks, even though the average desk has 100 times more bacteria than a kitchen table and 400 times more bacteria than the average toilet,” Gerba said. “Without cleaning, a small area on your desk or phone can sustain millions of bacteria that could potentially cause illness.”

So... then, logically that means that the kitchen table is 4 times worse that the toilet seat. Does that mean that we would be better off eating off of the toilet seat?

2) Ice water or toilet bowl water?

Actually ice machines contain more bacteria than toilet bowls?

Benito Middle School student Jasmine Roberts examined the amount of bacteria in ice served at fast food restaurants. The 12-year-old compared the ice used in the drinks with the water from toilet bowls in the same restaurants. Jasmine said she found the results startling. “I thought there might be a little bacteria in the ice, but I never expected it to be this much,” she said. “And I never thought the toilet water would be cleaner.” Her discovery: Seventy percent of the time, the ice had more bacteria than the toilet water.

Of course we know she isn't a scientists, yet something to think about. Maybe it's the cleansing effect from the tidy bowl.

Ok I'm off for some lunch and ice tea, no make that coffee... in the kitchen.

The Saddest Dog in the Universe

Sandi — 2007-11-02T08:11+00:00

Or maybe I should go with Rachel Lucas who posted the picture on her blog and call it the saddest "bee." I've seen some pretty sad looking dogs in my life, but the look on this dogs face almost makes me want to cry.

Is it just me? Or do those feet sticking out under the costume almost look human?

Lipsync Japanese Style

Sandi — 2007-09-21T00:09+00:00

Here is proof that the Japanese have a unique style of humor.

My neighbor found it only slightly humorous, but it had me almost falling out of my chair.

The Invisible Jump Rope

Sandi — 2007-07-20T18:07+00:00

While this is sort of humorous I suppose it could cause an accident of someone panicked and put on the binders. These guys are playing tug of war across the street with a pretend rope.

Udate: Clip changed because the previous video has been removed due to terms of use violation.

Just For Laughs

Sandi — 2007-06-18T23:06+00:00

A vanishing doorway and a hidden camera.

Vanishing Doorway - Just For Laughs - The most popular videos are a click away

My face would be somewhere between rose and scarlet, and I wouldn't be able to talk past the knot in my throat.

Thanks Jed

Computer Numa Numa or My PC Is On Fire

Sandi — 2007-06-13T08:06+00:00

Numa Numa is a remarkable internet marvel based on amateur videos based on the popular music video by the group O-Zone. Anyway I think you will get a chuckle out of this parody of the O-Zone smash hit music with different lyrics. The video remix comes from a short 11 minute clip called "Elephants Dream (well worth watching too), a free open movie, made entirely with open source graphics software.

The story of this clip from the authors page, with the Elephants Dream characters Emo and Proog:

STORY: The video features our two characters, Proog and Emo, locked in a dispute over Emo’s broken PC. Proog, a computer repairmen, refuses to fix Emo’s computer until his last bill has been paid. But, Emo refuses to pay Proog’s previous bill until his computer is working!

The lyrics are below the clip because I know you will want play it a second time and sing along.

Lyrics:
Hello, it’s true
Your Dell, won’t boot
And I made, something that runs
To show you, that you’re screwed

Hello, hello
My PC, it won’t load
I will not pay, your lousy bill
And I throw it at the wall

When you leave my screen it fades to grey
Turned it on today, now my data’s gone away
When you make my PC load and play
Then your lousy bill I’ll pay

My PC, My PC, My PC, is on fire!
My PC, My PC, My PC, is on fire!

I know, it seems
My bill’s extreme
And I bought
Something to fix the colors, on your screen

Hello, hello
My PC, it won’t load
I will not pay, your lousy bill
And I throw it at the wall

When you leave my screen it fades to grey
Turned it on today, now my data’s gone away
When you make my PC load and play
Then your lousy bill I’ll pay

My PC, My PC, My PC, is on fire!
My PC, My PC, My PC, is on fire!

--- THE END ---

Say This Tongue Twister Or Else....

Sandi — 2007-06-05T05:06+00:00

This hilarious clip was posted on my forum haunt Madison.com. The person who posted it suggested that it might be a good way for political candidates to debate.

glumbert.com - Say this tongue twister, or else...

OTOH I can't imagine the most macho of men bubbling with testosterone with enough err... ballocks to participate, let alone wimpy politicians (think Dennis Kucinich or John Edwards).